I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
