Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
