You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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