You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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