brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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