and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
