Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
