ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize