matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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