She said her name was "party"
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize