Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's blow job season.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
