Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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