So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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