doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
