My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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