If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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