Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
