Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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