Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
