In the future we'll all be gay
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
She needs sedatives and a leash
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
