brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
