P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
