Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she smelled like a LAN party
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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