I haven't been this sober since birth.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
