youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
