My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
