This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
