It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
