I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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