i was born a porn star she said
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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