She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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