you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You ate ashes out of my bong
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
