woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
