its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
