apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
