Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do vagina's smell?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
