Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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