remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I got inside last night via doggy door
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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