walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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