I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
