I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
i need some magic done to my vagina
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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