So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
