I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
