Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
