I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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