my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
