so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
