I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
