The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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