kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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