I think I won the penis lottery.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize