Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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