Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
