I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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