Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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