The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
