I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
