and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
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When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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