in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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