I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
we're so committed to being not committed
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