oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
