Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize