Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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