Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
