could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
