If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
