Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
