You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
