i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
