Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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