Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
