I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
