Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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