you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
