I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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