Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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