I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
