He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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