gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
