So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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